Regrets
by bibliophyle
Summary: Alternate to Choices. Same deal, except Bella doesn't put up with Edward's crap here.On her nineteeth birthday, she does something drastic instead.


Disclaimer- I own nothing associated or affiliated with Twilight. These are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright or offense is intended. You can't sue me for the inner-worst workings of my mind. Honest.

This is an alternate to Choices. Exactly the same deal except Bella doesn't take Edward's crap here. Not necessarily nice so be warned!

Regrets

Six years. Six damn years and he hadn't changed a whit. Still sitting there with that arrogant look on his bloody face. Charlie Swan clenched his coffee cup in his hands and tried not to scowl visibly. To the patrons of the diner they were currently inhabiting he was the picture of composure and self control. On the inside however, he was raging.

_How I'd love to wipe that smirk off your face,_ he thought to himself. But he wouldn't. No matter how much he wanted to, and he wanted to very much. He was still Police Chief Swan and it wouldn't do to get into a brawl with the young man seated across from him.

As though sensing his thoughts they young man sighed audibly and ran his hands through his bronze hair. He was mildly irritated. Humans could be so predictable.

"Listen Charlie, I know what you're thinking and believe me, you don't want to."

Charlie Swan smiled bitterly at the young man across from him. "Yes I do actually. I really do."

Another sigh and the familiar question was put forth once more. "Just tell me where she is and I'll leave you alone."

"I'm not telling you, you impudent little fucker!" Because even I don't know where she is. A spasm of pain shot across his face as he acknowledged this. Every month or so when the little letters would arrive, covered in foreign postmarks he would imagine to himself that he would reply to this one, just as he had countless others. In truth, he had no idea where they were coming from or how to reply. But he relished them all the same. They were the only link he had to her. His daughter, His only child. And this, this bastard! Had stolen her and driven her away from him! And here he was now. Looking to hurt her all over again. How dare he!

Charlie was gripping the cup so hard now it was in danger of breaking and the young man noted this. Sighing once more he nodded curtly and rose despondently from his chair before heading outside into the ever present downpour.

Only when he could be seen no more did Charlie Swan allow himself to release his grip and bury his face into his shaking hands.

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Outside Edward walked, hands deep in pockets, head bowed. As he thought, Charlie knew nothing. A quick glance into his mind had proved that so he might as well spare the man anymore pain. He walked across the roadside diner's carpark as far as the tree line and then dashed through the forest towards the Swan house. His mind was swimming with a jumble of visions, thoughts and ideas. His chest heaved, not from the exertion, though he was running so fast he was barely a blur, but from the ever present pain sunk deep into his heart, reaching out to work it's way through his chest and sink it's claws deep down into him.

He had seen things, terrible things. Chief Swan's mind was a nightmare to him. A veritable foray into all that had been haunting and tormenting him all these lonely years.

Bella. His Bella. That morning, that damned morning. He had not been there to see it but it haunted him. He saw her. Saw her standing there, in that tiny living room she shared with Charlie, suitcase by her side, tears running down her cheeks as she offered up the only explanation she could give.

"He promised to marry me."

Then she was gone. A brief hug and a squeal of tires and Charlie Swan punched a hole in his living room wall.

He already knew the rest. By the time Charlie came after him he was already long gone after her. He could see Alice, shrieking at him, blaming him, hitting him. He saw himself, screaming back that it was her fault, she knew about this, she saw it! But then the others too, blaming him and forcing him to admit what he wouldn't.

He'd lost her. And it was his fault.

He searched. He'd never stopped searching. They didn't help him. Alice left with Jasper and he hadn't seen her since. Rose and Emmett were silent, casting accusatory stares. Esme cried every time she looked at him. And Carlisle. Carlisle told him that he'd given up any chance of redemption. For what chance is there of paradise when you've lost your angel?

He was alone in this world.

He cursed angrily and kept running. He wasn't alone, she was still there. Out there somewhere. He knew. He could feel it. And now Charlie had confirmed that.

Those letters. He had to get his hands on those letters.

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The house was dark and silent. He hadn't been back since the day she had gone. It hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced to remember but he couldn't help it. He deserved it.

She was nineteen. It should have been a happy occasion. Why did she have to be so adamant? Why couldn't she just wait a while longer. But even as he meandered carelessly through the trees that fateful morning he already knew the answer. He would never change her. He couldn't. Why couldn't she see that?

And though far away lost in his musings the thought had come to him unbidden, like some ominous message borne against an ill wind.

_She's gone..._

It was Alice. Knowing her brother had no plans to change Bella, regardless of his promise, she stopped by in the hope to offer birthday wishes and commiserations. She arrived in the middle of Charlie's breakdown. Equally torn and furious she did what she could for Charlie before meeting her brother on his was back. The rage she felt and the loss was enough to alert Jasper who arrived just as their argument turned physical. Eventually Jasper pulled Alice off him and he dashed as fast as he could back to Bella's house, climbing through her window, half hoping but knowing she would not be there. Downstairs Charlie was frantically yelling down the phone to someone, probably Renee, his mind a chaotic jumble of visions and emotions. The one standing out the most was Bella standing there, helpless yet defiant, tears running down her cheeks as she choked out those soul piercing words...

"I'm not coming back."

Edward shook his head as he climbed the stairs to Charlie's room, trying to ignore the lingering scent of her, yet desperate to absorb every last particle of it that remained. At the top of the stairs he glanced towards the closed door that led to her room before turning resolutely away.

He crossed the landing silently and opened the door to Charlie's bedroom, standing stock still for a moment, gathering his senses about him.

He thought to himself momentarily, _If I was a precious letter where would I be, _but he needn't have bothered. He could smell her.

He opened the wardrobe opposite the bed and reached onto the top shelf, pulling out a thick brown envelope. He walked back to the bed and tipped the contents onto it.

A notebook and a few official looking police type documents fell out. It looked like Charlie had been conducting his own searches for his missing daughter. Edward smiled sadly then took stock at what else the envelope contained. Not much else, passport photocopies, maps with little red dots all over them and... a pile of letters. Edward seized them immediately and was lost.

The scent was faint, almost gone, but there nonetheless. He inhaled deeply, partly to steady himself, partly to absorb every last bit of her that remained on these papers.

He opened the first and began to read...

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Edward had felt guilty at first. For reading Charlie's private mail and for also reading something which he didn't have Bella's permission to. Oh yea, and breaking & entering. Although he'd done that so many times when she was here it was almost second nature now, regardless of how long it had been.

By the time he finished the last letter however, he didn't feel guilty anymore. There was nothing to feel guilty for, every letter was nearly exactly the same. Written on the same nondescript paper and in Bella's tight, minute handwriting they contained absolutely nothing. No news, no location, no nothing. Every one was another letter assuring Charlie that wherever she was she was fine and that she loved and missed him. Nothing more. Nothing to give herself or her whereabouts away. It was as though she knew he would be reading these. He grinned to himself at that thought, his Bella had always known him better than he knew himself. Which is exactly why he was standing here no better off than half an hour ago. His smile faded and he sank onto the bed in despair. He was never going to find her.

He sat there for immeasurable hours, staring off into space, before he realized Charlie would be home soon. He began tucking the letters back into the envelopes. Turning one over he stared at the front of it momentarily before gasping out loud. He picked up the others and turned them over too, convinced his heart had started beating again.

Before long he started to grin and felt as though his heart would burst with the sheer joy of it.

There was a British postmark on the front of the envelope.

He was going to England.

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End file.
